(definition further explained in this post if you still aren't satisfied)

Monday, June 28, 2010

What Fella?

Today, when we were visiting family for a little while, my aunt asked me, "So, who's the fella?"

"What fella?"

Then, silence.

Darn it all.

Why does family always feel the need to ask if you're dating someone?  It's like from the moment you hit high school, they expect you to be sending out some sort of irresistible pheromones that make

being single=complete failure as a human being

and that's just so wrong that it's nauseating.  Whether it lasts or not, being single is not a bad thing at all.  It means that you're being careful about who you choose to date (at least, that's why I do it).  To be honest, at this point, I'm really used to not dating.  I can accidentally flirt with whoever I want without worrying too much about it.  (Accidentally flirting is an unfortunate tendency that I'll save for another post.)

I was discussing this with a close friend of mine, and she agreed wholeheartedly.  She said that "Every single holiday they all always ask the exact same questions, and after a while, you wanna just put it all on a t-shirt to wear in the middle of dinner that says 'yes, I'm still sticking with my major, I'm doing fine, I like school, I'm in my third year, and I don't have a boyfriend.  Or a girlfriend, despite some of your opinions.'  And on the back, it would say 'and yes, I'm very happy for my cousin who's the same age as me and is getting married and squirting out kids as fast as she can even though I'm not doing the same because I'm out having fun!"  She wanted to add curse words to the sleeves for giving her family the cold shoulder.  We'll just say that she feels strongly on the subject.

I'm guessing that pretty much everyone (over the age of what, like, two?) goes through the same thing every time they visit family.  If you're single, they grill you wondering why you aren't dating.  If you're dating, they want to know everything about your boy/girlfriend and their family.  Why can't you do your own thing without everybody questioning it?  They could always just ask about what you're doing with your life and then let you know that you have their full support.  I don't think I'd mind the questions so much if that was the case.

What are your feelings on the subject? 


Ethan said...

When a child grows older and spends less time at home, there are more outside non family influences in their development. This attributes to the "you've changed so much that I feel like you're a different person then I knew" phenomenon. Because of this family members that don't see you on a regular basis don't know that much about you anymore so they stick to old stand buys that most people can talk about (School/College, Work, Dating relationships, Goals in life).

Also families want their children to be happy, and they want to approve of who your with because their have to put up with them too. you can get good input from family when it comes to dating. And while you remain single you can get creative with your answers and see what responses you get. It's fun trust me. I can tell you more some time if you want.

natalie said...

Thanks for following my blog! (:

Actually, my family never asks me that. They just tell me "stay away from boys! they're trouble!" haha :P I think they pretty much know that I'm too much of a lame-o to have a boyfriend anyways, hahaha.

Jessi Haish said...

What an amazing post Deidra and I understand exactly how you feel!! This was beautifully written. I've left an award for you over at my blog!!

Sunny Insomniac said...


Yes, this is an unfortunate reality. I hope I'm never one of "those" relatives.

This reminded me of something humorous, though. I was in the same boat as you about the "girlfriend" assumptions. My hair used to be an inch long all over. I wore t-shirts and cargo shorts with old dock martin boots (that I love and still wear, dang it), and I never really dated except for my now-husband. I was very picky about who I dated. So, naturally most of the family was worried I was gay or something.

I'm happily married now with two kids.

Me being gay, and either me or one of my sisters marrying someone of another race was my grandparents biggest worries. They're racist, bless their hearts. They honestly don't think they are though. They blame it on the way they were raised, etc. Which is a load. ANYWAY, during our freshman year of college, I was engaged by this time, so the whole gay thing was out of the gossip ring, and my twin was the topic of choice. That Christmas, as soon as we walked into my grandparents living room, my grandmother busts out with, "so who are you dating now?"
Without even batting an eyelash, my twin says, "Ooh, a really, really nice black guy. He's my age and he's so sweet and smart."

My grandmother almost fell out of her chair.

The irony? Three years later, she married a really, really nice black guy.

God is the biggest comedian of all time.

~Sunny Insomniac

Smileyfreak said...

I think that people are basically nosey :) They like to know what's happening. And why not sure. It's good to stay informed :)

On the other hand I know it's annoying. My uncle is always commenting on my relationship status. I just try and take it as I hope it's intended. Tongue in cheek.

Deidra said...

Ethan--As always, thanks for the input from your perspective!

natalie--Actually, it seems like my family is the "do you have a boyfriend?" type and then if I get one, they turn into the "stay away" type like yours! It's annoying, but oh well.

Jessi--Yeah, I did this post because I figured that lots of people can identify with it!

Sunny Insomniac--Wow, that's a funny story! Yeah, I think just about everyone's grandparents are like that. You want to be annoyed and upset about the racism, and sometimes you are, but at the same time it's part of them and you hate to admit it but the familiarity almost makes it charming. At least, that's how I feel.

Smileyfreak--Yeah, I agree. Some people always want to be in everyone else's business but hey, at least they care!